We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
