Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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