she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
