But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
