having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
