I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
