we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
