I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
