Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
