When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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