Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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