I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
