Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize