At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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