I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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