I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
