Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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