You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
