sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
