She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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