It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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