The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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