You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
