He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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