Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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