about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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