Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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