I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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