Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
