i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
