An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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