people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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