barbara walters just said penis...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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