im drinking this country out of the recession.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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