Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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