Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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