??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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