man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
