I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
