she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bring me that man meat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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