Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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