Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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