I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
