Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
