your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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