good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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