how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
