Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
