Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No I am not eating basil off your cock
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
