so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
