i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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