i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My ATM looks so different sober.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
