he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
