no, he came in my armpit
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
