Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
