Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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