Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
