I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
