Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
