A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
