I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
