why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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