im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
