I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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