Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
