Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
