Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my liver is dry heaving
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
