i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
