never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
