So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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