I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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