he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
