I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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