i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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