Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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