The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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