Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
