McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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