just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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