So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
honey bunches of taint.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
