So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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