You smell like stripper and shame
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
