he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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