look no pants
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
